car wash

the line at the car wash was long as you probably could imagine since it was the dirtiest day of the year. being the driver with the biggest truck is advantageous at times like these because all i had to do to move to the front of the line was to stomp on the gas pedal like it was an unwanted spider. as i rolled over civic after civic i was met with many-a-honking-horns and twice as many fists-a-waving. “don’t blame it on me, blame it on the economy” i slurred into my megaphone.

at the front of the line, the order-taker guy asked what i wanted and i said “gimme the deluxe”. “with the tire shine?” “with the tire shine” i nodded like i was real excited about the tire shine. i nodded like i owned the tire shine. “i come here for the tire shine” i bellowed into the guys left ear. he checked off the tire shine check box and told me to bring the ticket into the register.

i walked into the office and was met with another line of angry moms and sort of drunk grandfathers. since i was not safely inside the world’s largest truck i was forced to wait my turn in the dirtiest line on the dirtiest day of the year. i peered through the glass as my truck made its way through the warsh. it acted like it was the first snow fall of the year. i turned my head away from the glass and realized it was my turn to pay. “31 dollars please” the tiny woman shouted while bashing away at the cash register like she was real close to winning hungry hungry hippos. i gave her 30 and told her to keep the change. she laughed when she realize i ripped her off but she didn’t ask for the missing dollar. if she did i would have pulled it out from behind her right ear like i was the cleverest uncle in the entire youkneeverse. i grabbed the receipt and crawled outside to wait for the truck.

the truck stampeded out of the car wash like a giant pile of mud and it waited for the dryer dudes to do their drying. as the vultures made their way with their raggedy ol towels, i noticed the tire shiners approaching the tires with their tiny pales of armor-all. one tire shiner for the front left, one for the front right, one for the back left, and one for the…there was no one else.