In under 24 hours we will all be a little bit taller. How is this possible? I'll explain in a minute. But regardless of how, it is obvious that the statement itself is true. It is true because it is written in an old book that on June 30th, 2010 every alive being will get taller. The book's oldness self-verifies its being truthful. It does not matter that the book is found in the Fiction section in some bookstores. What was fiction a billion years ago is nonfiction today. Everyone knows this. Some bookstore owners are just too lazy to reorganize. For this sin they will be the only alive beings to not grow taller tomorrow.
This mysterious book that was mentioned in the previous paragraph was written a long time ago in a far away land. It was found by people who look for stuff in the dirt. These people, who look in the dirt, are usually looking for bones, books, oil, runaways, etc. It should be of no concern that the gentlemen who found this book were all real tiny. Although it is slightly troubling to think that these tiny people would happen to find an old book that predicts height in the future,in the exact spot they were digging. Maybe this is more than slightly troubling. Maybe it was a set up.
Further analysis of the book shows that in order for alive beings to get taller on the date I mentioned in the fourth sentence of paragraph #1 the book finders had to do a bunch of things. To write up all the requirements would take a long time for promised growth and I don't feel like recapping everything. The book is available in stores, either in the nonfiction or fiction section depending on the owner's motivation, so you are free to purchase it for yourself to read all about it. To sum it up, the finders had to do good stuff and not do bad stuff. The book outlined what was good and what was bad. Brushing your teeth fell under good. Decapitation by ax fell under bad. The book isn't clear on if it is acceptable to decapitate non-teeth brushers with an ax. Some readers thought it was ok to do so. Others were not so sure. Both used evidence from the book to support their interpretation. The result was not pretty.
If promised height was not enough motivation, the book also introduced the warning that failure to meet the requirements will result in a mass-shrinking on the 30th of June, year 2010. The introduction of this threat, which is found on page 57 of the third edition, was necessary, because without it, the taller members of the population would not have been motivated to meet the requirements because the promise of increased height was not enticing to them. As far as they were concerned, they were plenty tall. But introducing the threat of decreasing in size put everybody on the same page. Gotta meet these requirements.
And that they did. Don't be surprised if your pants seem a little shorter tomorrow.
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