The sign on the side of the road was hidden by a tree. The giant tree kept whatever was on the sign secret from the drivers driving by but it seemed to be ok because the street was a pretty safe one and there had not been any accidents in all of my years of driving on that street. Well maybe there was one or two accidents, but I think I might have only read about them in a newspaper. One story went along with the following title:
"Accident on Montgomery Street. Everybody was more than Fine"
I remember that day, reading about the accident. It was the most pleasant accident story ever written. It stated that Mr. Cosmo and Ms. Dee bumped cars accidentally when they both slowed down suddenly to try and get the other's attention. They bendered the fenders every so slightly but neither seemed to mind as they both rolled into the street to meet with a kiss. I love you Ms. Dee shouted Mr. Cosmo as he fell in the street. Yes Yes Yes Ms. Dee shouted. Everyone else on the street pulled over to applaud. It was a sure a strange, but pleasant news article. I think I read it once or twice just to confirm the words were there. I threw the paper away a little later that week, but the story remained over the years, but to be honest I stopped thinking about it a while ago.
That was until one day I was driving again along Montgomery St. when I was slowed to a crawl. Construction up ahead. Ahead we crept in our cars, and the reason for the delay was the tree was coming down by the street crew. It took a few days to chop down the giant tree, and as I drove by each day the sign became more and more clear until it was there for everyone to see.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
the fat-faced dog
There was a fat-faced dog on my paper route. He sat on the porch when it was nice out. When he saw me coming, he'd get up and start to come down the stairs to chase me. He'd get down about three steps before the rope he was tied to would pull him back up. He'd look at me and I would peddle away on my stupid little bike. Once in a while I'd taunt that fat-faced dog, by shouting stuff like "Hey fat-faced dog, your face is fat", but for the most part I wanted to get done delivering papers so I could go home and make a glass of chocolate milk and watch cartoons.
I kept that paper route for a few years. When I got older, I eventually decided to work in a grocery store, so I gave up the paper route. At that grocery store, I was forced to deal with people on a regular basis. Can you put the meat in separate bags? Can you carry that to my car? Other people just demanded things. Paper and plastic. Hurry up, I have to go home. Whenever I tried to get away for a minute, someone would call me back. There is always work to be done at a grocery store.
Every once in a while I would walk around my old neighborhood after a day at the grocery store. I would pass the fat-faced dog's house. When it was nice out, he'd be there on the porch. Even though he was older and his face was even fatter, he'd run down the stairs to try and get me. And I would occassionally walk over to pet him on his fat head. He was a good dog.
I kept that paper route for a few years. When I got older, I eventually decided to work in a grocery store, so I gave up the paper route. At that grocery store, I was forced to deal with people on a regular basis. Can you put the meat in separate bags? Can you carry that to my car? Other people just demanded things. Paper and plastic. Hurry up, I have to go home. Whenever I tried to get away for a minute, someone would call me back. There is always work to be done at a grocery store.
Every once in a while I would walk around my old neighborhood after a day at the grocery store. I would pass the fat-faced dog's house. When it was nice out, he'd be there on the porch. Even though he was older and his face was even fatter, he'd run down the stairs to try and get me. And I would occassionally walk over to pet him on his fat head. He was a good dog.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Where I was when they captured Saddam
I guess all the OBL news has had me wondering about how people are supposed to feel when big things happen. I guess that's the big debate going on right about now. Should people be wooting and burning stuff in the street, or should they be chilling and praying to their God and whatnot? To me, the reaction doesn't really matter. People will find something to be pissed off about whatever the outcome may be. That be what makes people, people? Am I right? (I'm not apologizing for any of the stupidity found in the first few sentences of this blog, k?) (I understand there are grammatical errors, but they are used to make a point) (I'm not sure what the point is though, because I am an idiot). People separate themselves from lessers by being able to find the ability to get pissed off about basically whatever they want. I know people who hate American Idol. Other people seem to love it. If a TV show is going to bring out a debate, I guess a military-ordered death will as well. "So react how you want, just don't react around me"-Martin Luther King.
That is not really a Martin Luther King quote, it is a slight variation of a lyric found in a Bad Religion song.
I didn't riot at the OBL news, but I didn't boohoo none neither. My best friend growing up was a pacifist labrador retriever, but all the same I'm totes happy that OBL is no longer around. Perhaps contradictory, but I'm sure Ladybug would understand.
I tried to remember if the capturing of Saddam caused a similar reaction. Did Phillies and Mets fans hug in the streets? Did college campuses go bonkers? I have no idea. I heard about the Saddam news when I was laying face down on the carpet in Maguire's living room in Albany. Me and Jones visited him for some crappy party, and then crashed at Maguire's new apartment. The apartment was pretty boring and I think Maguire was trying to save money so he didn't let us turn the heat on, even though I remember his apartment was real cold. Jones called the couch, which was fine, because I have no problem sleeping on a floor. I remember Maguire's carpet smelling really good. There were lots of jokes about how good the carpet smelled. Most of them were inappropriate. But anyway, we drank a lot then passed out in our designated pass-out space. Maguire in his bed, Jones on the couch, me on the floor. Since it was so cold, Jones took down Maguire's curtains to use as blankets at some point in the night.
I remember waking up to Maguire freaking out. Maguire is military, and he ran in the room to turn on his television. Jones was excited. I wasn't excited, I was really hung over and cold. We watched the news programs all morning, and Maguire was confident that we had won. It was cool joining in on his winning attitude, but I was still pretty hungover. We probably made fun of Jones for the rest of the morning and then found greasy food somewhere.
That is not really a Martin Luther King quote, it is a slight variation of a lyric found in a Bad Religion song.
I didn't riot at the OBL news, but I didn't boohoo none neither. My best friend growing up was a pacifist labrador retriever, but all the same I'm totes happy that OBL is no longer around. Perhaps contradictory, but I'm sure Ladybug would understand.
I tried to remember if the capturing of Saddam caused a similar reaction. Did Phillies and Mets fans hug in the streets? Did college campuses go bonkers? I have no idea. I heard about the Saddam news when I was laying face down on the carpet in Maguire's living room in Albany. Me and Jones visited him for some crappy party, and then crashed at Maguire's new apartment. The apartment was pretty boring and I think Maguire was trying to save money so he didn't let us turn the heat on, even though I remember his apartment was real cold. Jones called the couch, which was fine, because I have no problem sleeping on a floor. I remember Maguire's carpet smelling really good. There were lots of jokes about how good the carpet smelled. Most of them were inappropriate. But anyway, we drank a lot then passed out in our designated pass-out space. Maguire in his bed, Jones on the couch, me on the floor. Since it was so cold, Jones took down Maguire's curtains to use as blankets at some point in the night.
I remember waking up to Maguire freaking out. Maguire is military, and he ran in the room to turn on his television. Jones was excited. I wasn't excited, I was really hung over and cold. We watched the news programs all morning, and Maguire was confident that we had won. It was cool joining in on his winning attitude, but I was still pretty hungover. We probably made fun of Jones for the rest of the morning and then found greasy food somewhere.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The first time I saw Osama die
OBL is now dead. This short blog is not about that. It is more about the other time he died. I have more information about that because I was there and I saw it happen. So I will share.
It was the spring semester of my senior season at college. I was a nitwit kid with a couple of radio shows on the college station. They were good shows. Steve and I yelled at each other while Mike and I ignored one another. One thing was certain. When GWAR was in town we would go. So we did. Although my memory refuses to confirm Mike and Steve's attendance. It can, however, confirm with certitude that Dan was in attendance. It may have even have been Dan's idea to go see GWAR at Tink's.
To understand why that is funny, you have to first realize a little bit more about Dan. Dan didn't like loud music. He liked DMB or other cargo short wearing music. I took him to a punk show our sophomore year at Sea-Sea's and he got spit on by some kid. This made him not go to anymore shows with me. Because even if he did like some of the crap I listened to, he couldn't tolerate nitwit kids who do stupid shit at shows. Can't blame him. So for Dan to suggest a GWAR show, it was funny. I wasn't big into GWAR, but I decided it is a show to go to at least once in your lifetime. So we went. It was at Tink's.
A GWAR show is fun because they dress up in monster costumes and throw up on the crowd. At the particular show I went to, they had some people that they were going to sacrifice to their gods. They killed Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden, as well as Mike Tyson and George Bush. The music was real loud, and during the executions blood and guts would spill out into the crowd. I jumped on top of everyone and surfed my way up to the front to see what death felt like. A good time was had by all.
Dan watched from the bar in the balcony.
It was the spring semester of my senior season at college. I was a nitwit kid with a couple of radio shows on the college station. They were good shows. Steve and I yelled at each other while Mike and I ignored one another. One thing was certain. When GWAR was in town we would go. So we did. Although my memory refuses to confirm Mike and Steve's attendance. It can, however, confirm with certitude that Dan was in attendance. It may have even have been Dan's idea to go see GWAR at Tink's.
To understand why that is funny, you have to first realize a little bit more about Dan. Dan didn't like loud music. He liked DMB or other cargo short wearing music. I took him to a punk show our sophomore year at Sea-Sea's and he got spit on by some kid. This made him not go to anymore shows with me. Because even if he did like some of the crap I listened to, he couldn't tolerate nitwit kids who do stupid shit at shows. Can't blame him. So for Dan to suggest a GWAR show, it was funny. I wasn't big into GWAR, but I decided it is a show to go to at least once in your lifetime. So we went. It was at Tink's.
A GWAR show is fun because they dress up in monster costumes and throw up on the crowd. At the particular show I went to, they had some people that they were going to sacrifice to their gods. They killed Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden, as well as Mike Tyson and George Bush. The music was real loud, and during the executions blood and guts would spill out into the crowd. I jumped on top of everyone and surfed my way up to the front to see what death felt like. A good time was had by all.
Dan watched from the bar in the balcony.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Broad Street Run
Most recent:
May 1st: Broad Street Run. Completed my third Broad Street Run. It was fun. I ran my fastest time so far in this highly uncharming ten-miler. 01:22:46. That was five minutes faster than I ran last year. Which is misleading because it was 400 degrees last year. I think I could have ran 01:22:47 last year, but that weather was just too brutal. I probably could have ran 01:20:34 this year but my stomach warned me that if I didn't find a tullet we were gonna have issues. So at the water stop at mile 8 I dove face first into a port-o-tullet and upside-downed whatever it was that was bugging me. I recorded a PR in said tullet, washed off with invisible soap and ran a decent final two miles to record my new ten-mile PR, breaking that silly beach race I did last year. I decide to sprint with some derelicts at the finish just to ensure a sub-01:23:00 finish.
For whatever reason I felt like death all last night. I decided I like the Broad Street Run and I will try to run it every year. Next year I plan to beat Ndeh, who surprised me with his 01:18:16 because before the race he was telling me how his 5 Hour Energy was wearing off. Ndeh seems like the dude who doesn't train, but just shows up, drinks a 5 hour energy, then beats you in a ten-mile race which you have trained somewhat regularly for. Next year, Ndeh.
In addition, I am completely not looking forward to the marathon in under two weeks. Not feeling these Nike Frees at all. After the marathon I might try the New Balance Minimus jawns, but if they suck, I'm going back to cushioning.
Completed:
January 29th: Polar Bear Plunge. I guess really not a race, but jumping into the Delaware River in January is still pretty stupid. Turned out to be more fun than expected.
February 19th: Healthy Choice 5K. I was in Florida for some school junk. Wanted to run a race, so I found out that this 5K and the marathon were going on 2 minutes away from my motel. I was able to sign up late for the marathon, but a class schedule ruined that plan. So instead I did this 5K at Hugh Taylor Birch State Park. It seemed like a nice park, but the 5K included a looped course. Looped courses in a state park seems like a cop-out on race design, so I was a little disappointed. I ran a decent time, which shows that I have almost been able to keep in shape this cold winter. 5K time was not as fast as what I was running in the Fall, but I'll take it.
March 13th: Janet Massey Breast Cancer 5K One of the stranger races I have run. This 5K was organized by a student organization at Neumann University. I appreciate that a lot of effort is needed to run a successful 5K. I feel that the organization did put a solid effort into organizing this race, but I feel that there were a few glitches. One of which was the online form, as I'm not convinced I even paid for this 5K. When I get more money I'll be sure to redonate to the cause. The other problem was it started forty minutes after it was posted. It was a sneak surprise start as there was no get ready warning. We just lined up and a horn was set off. That's fine. The race was at Ridley Creek State Park, which is my homefield advantage. It was an out-and-back race, so the great downhill start meant there was going to be an uphill climb at the finish. So I let a few people go ahead of me because I planned on picking them off at the end. My plan worked and I finished second in the race. The guy who finished first didn't want to be considered the winner because he was part of the organizing group, so it'll go down as my first 5K win. So I won a race I didn't really win and I'm not even sure I paid for. I like it.
March 27th: Citizens Bank Caesar Rodney Half Marathon & 5K. Half Marathon immediately follows 5K. I signed up for both. Next year I probably don't need to do the 5K. But I think I will do the half marathon again. The course was nice. And the participant size was pretty great. Wilmington is a weird town though. RESULTS
Registered:
May 15th: Delaware Marathon. Third marathon. Second state. smh
Possible:
August 28th: The Wild Half. Half-marathon in Wildwood, NJ. I think it's the first one.
Friday, April 15, 2011
the plan
Hello,
I am forwarding you all the latest WATERSKI magazine e-newsletter. Before you scroll down to that, I request that you read a couple lines of words. The words are found below:
Thank you for taking the time to read this far. We are almost at the WATERSKI magazine e-newsletter. For those of you who know me, you know I have three loves in my life. They are my family, Philadelphia Flyers hockey, and waterskiing. I'm a big fan of waterskiing. I'm not that good at it yet, but with practice I'm sure I'll get real good. I own a snowboard and it rains a lot where I live. And I know people who can drive cars. That is Step 1. Practice
Step 2. I am running a marathon in Wilmington Delaware in exactly one month. My goal is to win it. Chances are I will not come close to winning it. My other goal is to raise money to build schools in places of the world that people generally don't care too much about. If you don't care, that is fine. But I care. And you care about my waterskiing career. The two are related. So donations are required. Go to this page and donate 5 dollars: http://www.crowdrise.com/safetyroperunsDonation is Step 2.
Step 3. You are probably asking why? Why should I donate? You are probably thinking, Hey, we are in a recession and the NFL is in a lockout. Rich people are arguing about how to best split up 6 billion dollars. The only legitimate concern in this dumb negotiation is the concern for retired NFL players with health issues who also have zero dollars. They should be taken care of. I say each player gives up a car. Wait. Wrong spot for an NFL rant. Ignore the rant, but follow Step 3. Step 3 is boycott the NFL. Don't play fantasy football. Don't buy a stupid shirt or a helmet with beer can holders on the side (actually you can buy that). Just give me $5 dollars. See Step 2.
Step 4. Waterski your faces off.
Kindest regards,
Ted
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: WATERSKI magazine
Date: Fri, Apr 15, 2011 at 10:01 AM
Subject: The Crossover Evolution, Video: Sport Nautique 200, Centurion's Backstage Pass
The Crossover Evolution, Video: Sport Nautique 200, Centurion's Backstage Pass
- Hide quoted text -
Behind The Scenes: Crossover Evolution
Although crossovers are the newest breed of inboard, they're practically dominating the market. Find out how crossovers have evolved and where they're heading in the future...
[click to continue]Video: Sport Nautique 200
WATERSKI takes the versatile new Sport Nautique 200 for a test drive...
[click to continue]
Three New Wallpapers
Decorate your desktop with three new water ski beauty shots...
[click to continue]
Back In Action
Four tips to save your back on deepwater starts...
[click to continue]
[Contest]
Win A Straightline RS Series
With molded nylon arms, a unique dyneema bridal and a design that prolongs rope life, the new RS water ski handle provides unmatched response for all levels of riders...
[enter to win]
[First Look]
Your Centurion Backstage Pass
Join Ricky Gonzalez, Drew Daniello and more in a working photo shoot surrounded by the latest top-secret Centurion products...
[click to continue]
HO Syndicate Welcomes Travers
With an under-21 division world title and a national slalom record, Jon Travers is the newest member of HO Syndicate...
[click to continue]
Ski School Primer
There's nothing like a trained eye watching your technique to help you identify and break bad habits...
[click to continue]
advertisement
WATERSKI EXTRAS
Video: Sans Rival SR2 Slalom Ski
Todd Ristorcelli breaks down this high-end European carbon ski...
[click to continue]
Video: Asher Skis HO Syndicate A2
Bob LaPoint and Will Asher share their shape philosophy behind the new Syndicate A2....
[click to continue]
Get Better Now: Shred-Ready Tips
Let the world's best rippers help you reach the next level...
[click to continue]
More from waterskimag.com:
Copyright © Bonnier Corporation, 460 N. Orlando Ave., Suite 200, Winter Park, FL 32789
I am forwarding you all the latest WATERSKI magazine e-newsletter. Before you scroll down to that, I request that you read a couple lines of words. The words are found below:
Thank you for taking the time to read this far. We are almost at the WATERSKI magazine e-newsletter. For those of you who know me, you know I have three loves in my life. They are my family, Philadelphia Flyers hockey, and waterskiing. I'm a big fan of waterskiing. I'm not that good at it yet, but with practice I'm sure I'll get real good. I own a snowboard and it rains a lot where I live. And I know people who can drive cars. That is Step 1. Practice
Step 2. I am running a marathon in Wilmington Delaware in exactly one month. My goal is to win it. Chances are I will not come close to winning it. My other goal is to raise money to build schools in places of the world that people generally don't care too much about. If you don't care, that is fine. But I care. And you care about my waterskiing career. The two are related. So donations are required. Go to this page and donate 5 dollars: http://www.crowdrise.com/safetyroperunsDonation is Step 2.
Step 3. You are probably asking why? Why should I donate? You are probably thinking, Hey, we are in a recession and the NFL is in a lockout. Rich people are arguing about how to best split up 6 billion dollars. The only legitimate concern in this dumb negotiation is the concern for retired NFL players with health issues who also have zero dollars. They should be taken care of. I say each player gives up a car. Wait. Wrong spot for an NFL rant. Ignore the rant, but follow Step 3. Step 3 is boycott the NFL. Don't play fantasy football. Don't buy a stupid shirt or a helmet with beer can holders on the side (actually you can buy that). Just give me $5 dollars. See Step 2.
Step 4. Waterski your faces off.
Kindest regards,
Ted
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: WATERSKI magazine
Date: Fri, Apr 15, 2011 at 10:01 AM
Subject: The Crossover Evolution, Video: Sport Nautique 200, Centurion's Backstage Pass
The Crossover Evolution, Video: Sport Nautique 200, Centurion's Backstage Pass
- Hide quoted text -
Behind The Scenes: Crossover Evolution
Although crossovers are the newest breed of inboard, they're practically dominating the market. Find out how crossovers have evolved and where they're heading in the future...
[click to continue]Video: Sport Nautique 200
WATERSKI takes the versatile new Sport Nautique 200 for a test drive...
[click to continue]
Three New Wallpapers
Decorate your desktop with three new water ski beauty shots...
[click to continue]
Back In Action
Four tips to save your back on deepwater starts...
[click to continue]
[Contest]
Win A Straightline RS Series
With molded nylon arms, a unique dyneema bridal and a design that prolongs rope life, the new RS water ski handle provides unmatched response for all levels of riders...
[enter to win]
[First Look]
Your Centurion Backstage Pass
Join Ricky Gonzalez, Drew Daniello and more in a working photo shoot surrounded by the latest top-secret Centurion products...
[click to continue]
HO Syndicate Welcomes Travers
With an under-21 division world title and a national slalom record, Jon Travers is the newest member of HO Syndicate...
[click to continue]
Ski School Primer
There's nothing like a trained eye watching your technique to help you identify and break bad habits...
[click to continue]
advertisement
WATERSKI EXTRAS
Video: Sans Rival SR2 Slalom Ski
Todd Ristorcelli breaks down this high-end European carbon ski...
[click to continue]
Video: Asher Skis HO Syndicate A2
Bob LaPoint and Will Asher share their shape philosophy behind the new Syndicate A2....
[click to continue]
Get Better Now: Shred-Ready Tips
Let the world's best rippers help you reach the next level...
[click to continue]
More from waterskimag.com:
Copyright © Bonnier Corporation, 460 N. Orlando Ave., Suite 200, Winter Park, FL 32789
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