hats

If you are like me, then you know what a pain it is to travel without ruining your two favorite baseball hats. One of the biggest problems I have had over the years when traveling is packing and eventually ruining my green and red Yankee hats. There is not an easy way to pack two hats. Put them in your suitcase? They'll get smashed. Put them in your carry-on bag. Smashed. Put them in your jean jacket pockets. SMASHED! Wear them on your head? Can't. I usually travel with the Pink yankee hat on and three hats on a head looks foolish. I've considered UPSing them to the hotel but I need to wear the red at dinner and the green in the restroom. Always need my two extra hats at arms length.

Annoying.

Until NOW!

Introducing the New Era Two pack Cap Carrier! It is only $24.95. AWESOME!

50 states

On the drive over to her dad's house to celebrate her birthday, Sarah and I were discussing life goals. Among these goals, which include selling the house and getting rich, I told her that it was necessary for me to join the 50 states marathon club http://www.50statesmarathonclub.com/50dc/index.html. I thought it would be fun because it would give us a chance to do a mini-family vacation from time to time in a new state. It will be fun except when we have to go to North Dakota. Fargo jokes are not really funny anymore.

I have only run one marathon so far, and unfortunately it does not count towards one of the 50 states. I ran the SunTrust National Marathon this past March and it is probably the only marathon in the country that doesn't count. Here are the list of rules: http://www.50statesmarathonclub.com/50dc/rules.html . It says: 1. The Marine Corps Marathon counts as Virginia because it starts and ends in Virginia. Additionally, the National Marathon and/or Washington DC Marathon, which begin and end inside DC do not count towards the state count because the District of Columbia is not a state. Woops.

The next marathon I will run is the Philadelphia Marathon on November 21st. Philadelphia will hopefully count towards Pennsylvania. I'll try to do two marathons a year until Maksim and his future brothers and sisters get bigger and the PhD is done. After that I will try and finish 3 or 4 a year. I will give myself a deadline of November 21st, 2035.

Here is a picture of something:

party info

Sarah and I are hazzing people over on Saturday. Feel free to stop by. Attached is a wonderful flyer I just made. Bring a fishing rod if you would like. I can point you in the direction of a stream.

Other things to tell you. Jean shorts are required. Black denim preferred, unless you can find shorts that have looney tune patches or patches of all of the teams in the NBA. If you fashion shorts out of a starter jacket, I will waive the denim requirement.

Other things that are probably good to tell you. Food will be provided I think, and maybe some beer, but you're better off bringing what you want to drink. I bought a 6 pack of Foster's the other day because I was feeling Australian. That beer is crap. There are 5 bottles of that left, so FIRST COME FIRST SERVE. We don't have parking, but the bar across the street does. You can park there or we can figure out another place for you to park. I will talk to the bar though and let them know people are coming in jean shorts. They may ask for you to park behind the bar. That's fine too.

Oh, the thing starts at 3 and it will go on for a few hours, but I will ask you to leave if you fail my state capitol quiz that will occur spontaneously and frequently. So I'd recommend you all study your state capitols. The state capitol of Pennsylvania is Harrisburg, although I will accept the answer of Aston.

Any questions, plz feel free to email or text me. I will not answer phone calls prior to Saturday.

New York Knicks are BACK!!!!

This offseason was supposed to be the offseason that got the Knicks back on the basketball map. I think that it is safe to say they did that and more. Let me explain.

If they could not get LeBron, they could always resort to Plan B, which for the Knicks was evidently a brilliant plan to get rid of their best player for a new player that plays the same position, is more expensive, more prone to be injured, has a history of clashing with the current coach, and is not significantly better than the player who was moved in the first place. I know what you're thinking. That Plan B sounds better than most teams Plan A's. Well it is. And they weren't done there!

Trading David Lee for three great Golden State Warriors, two guys with great potential and the third being an undersized center with a heart condition, so you can overpay Amar'e Stoudemire is just one of the reasons I am a die-hard Knicks fan. What other organization pulls off such great moves? While the fact that David Lee averaged 20 points and 12 rebounds last year is nice, he unfortunately has never had microfracture knee surgery. Amar'e has. Thanks for nothing DLee! This surgery proves that Amar'e is better.

I know what you're thinking. The Miami Heat signed three superstars and the Knicks only got one. Well, don't forget, the Knicks traded away all their first round picks in this draft and the next couple of drafts, to eliminate any chance of them winning a lottery to draft a franchise-type player like Patrick Ewing, Kevin Durant, or LeBron James. Instead the Knicks capitalized on their second round picks by drafting Andy Rautins, and in doing so proved experts wrong who thought that he would go undrafted, and with their other pick they selected another player that no one in the world has ever heard of. But besides, the Knicks just signed Timofey Mozgov to play center. Yes, that Timofey Mozgov. The Timofey Mozgov who dominated the Russian league last year by averaging 7.5 points, 4.8 rebounds, and 1.0 blocks in 32 games. Everyone knows that when converting this to the NBA currency, you get 1.3 points, 0.7 rebounds, and 0 blocks in 14 games.

So now, with Stoudemire and Mozgov, the Knicks have their two stars. They need a third. AND THEY DO! The last great move the Knicks made was signing stellar point guard, Raymond Felton. On Felton, D'Antoni states: "We added a quality point guard who played in the playoffs last year, so it is really very exciting." He fails to mention that the Bobcats were swept out of the playoffs, but at the end of the day both LeBron and Felton have zero rings so it is still too early to tell who is the better player.

Here's to another great season of tanking I mean fighting for the playoffs! See you again next year when the Knicks fail to sign Carmelo Anthony because of the guaranteed lockout.

2 kudos from Johnny

I don't understand blogger or blogspot. I don't know why I can't understand, but right now it is real confusing for me. I can't find the kudos button. and this is sad. Hopefully this bear will dance for you:



I'm giving blood today in a few minutes. In exactly 126 minutes (@ the time of this typing, not @ the time this was posted). That probably is a lot more than a few minutes. Unless you are the one who needs the blood. Then that doesn't seem like a lot at all.

Speaking of important things, Ocho Cinco tweeted that he was playing slots in Vegas in his underwear. He also included a picture. I'll post this picture as well:



He needs to win so he can buy some clothes.

That's about it for now. I bought M.I.A's new cd. It has a lyric that goes "The head bone is connected to the head phone. The head phone is connected to the iPhone. The iPhone is connected to the internet connected to the google connected to the government." Thought that lyric was relevant...SINCE...this blog is connected to the government as well. It's the last thing O'bama reads at night before he goes to sleep. Well. He doesn't actually read it. It is read to him by a giant shark.




I have been asked to participate in an art show that is currently called "Lumberjacks in Tuxedos". I have respectfully accepted.

For the Russians ;-)

Instructions: Read this blog a lot of times to find out what really happened when Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh got together the other day. K?

When it rains a lot I drill holes in my backyard hoping to find off-shore oil.LEBRON I don't have a permit for this...yet...but one day I will.JAMES Perhaps I will find a permit the same time I strike oil. While I don't have a permit, I do have a disaster plan in place. My first plan is to pretend nothing happened. If my neighbors question the sludge making their way from my yard to their yards I will then say, Oh it will go away in a day. TO If they come back after two days and say, It's getting worse, I will say KNICKS: OK, I'll take care of it.

Since I don't expect there to be a problem, I feel I don't really need a plan in place if it gets worse than described above. WADE But since I need to be prepared for all scenarios, this is what I will do. First I will try to sell the house. I will hide the leaking oil out back with a series of tarps that will be purchased from Home Depot. STAYS If the home buyer asks what is under the tarps, I will say "What tarps?" and distract them by showing them how well the garden hose works.

If the house doesn't sell after two or three months, I will resort to WHO plan x. CARES I will fill the hole with leaves from the tree. This plan is easiest during the fall. If it is not the fall when this occurs, we will unfortunately ABOUT have to wait until the fall. Leaves generally don't fall in other BOSH? seasons.

You may be wondering about the animals. ANY While I don't know what to do about the animals indigenous to the area, such as squirrels and ants, I do know how to take care of any otters or dinosaurs that might be affected QUESTIONS by my leaky well. POKE Otters like throwing garbage into Canadian rivers, so I will be sure to ME take a bunch of garbage cans and place them very far from the oil spill. ON All the dinosaurs will be given FACEBOOK Hazmat suits since it is tough to control dinosaurs.

Aliveness. A photoless photo essay with photos

In under 24 hours we will all be a little bit taller. How is this possible? I'll explain in a minute. But regardless of how, it is obvious that the statement itself is true. It is true because it is written in an old book that on June 30th, 2010 every alive being will get taller. The book's oldness self-verifies its being truthful. It does not matter that the book is found in the Fiction section in some bookstores. What was fiction a billion years ago is nonfiction today. Everyone knows this. Some bookstore owners are just too lazy to reorganize. For this sin they will be the only alive beings to not grow taller tomorrow.

This mysterious book that was mentioned in the previous paragraph was written a long time ago in a far away land. It was found by people who look for stuff in the dirt. These people, who look in the dirt, are usually looking for bones, books, oil, runaways, etc. It should be of no concern that the gentlemen who found this book were all real tiny. Although it is slightly troubling to think that these tiny people would happen to find an old book that predicts height in the future,in the exact spot they were digging. Maybe this is more than slightly troubling. Maybe it was a set up.

Further analysis of the book shows that in order for alive beings to get taller on the date I mentioned in the fourth sentence of paragraph #1 the book finders had to do a bunch of things. To write up all the requirements would take a long time for promised growth and I don't feel like recapping everything. The book is available in stores, either in the nonfiction or fiction section depending on the owner's motivation, so you are free to purchase it for yourself to read all about it. To sum it up, the finders had to do good stuff and not do bad stuff. The book outlined what was good and what was bad. Brushing your teeth fell under good. Decapitation by ax fell under bad. The book isn't clear on if it is acceptable to decapitate non-teeth brushers with an ax. Some readers thought it was ok to do so. Others were not so sure. Both used evidence from the book to support their interpretation. The result was not pretty.

If promised height was not enough motivation, the book also introduced the warning that failure to meet the requirements will result in a mass-shrinking on the 30th of June, year 2010. The introduction of this threat, which is found on page 57 of the third edition, was necessary, because without it, the taller members of the population would not have been motivated to meet the requirements because the promise of increased height was not enticing to them. As far as they were concerned, they were plenty tall. But introducing the threat of decreasing in size put everybody on the same page. Gotta meet these requirements.

And that they did. Don't be surprised if your pants seem a little shorter tomorrow.